An Ode to My Folks...

I am a self reliant woman. Brought up in an almost liberal family by moderately conservative parents. I would say they were rather accepting of my rebellious ways, or so I would like to believe. Mostly; they just knuckled under the gigantic steps I took towards self distruction , or so they believed at the time. Thats how average Indian parents are I suppose, obsessively protective. And when all attempts at conservation fail, they safeguard their own pride and say, "You are free to do as you deem fit...we have given you the roots, now you have grown wings...be careful...there are a lot of people out there who would entice and misguide you...don't do anything we would'nt do...blah blah blah...". I am sure they did all that they warned me off. Or maybe they had seen way too many episodes of 'Sansani' and 'Crime Files', which emptied their heads and filled such nonsense. A few arguments I had with my folks in my formative years were; "It stands to reason why would my closest and most trusted friend, who is from a hindu family with religious roots, would one fine day have an inclination to indulge in any sort of malpractice?", "I am not dumb maa... I know who is genuine and who isn't", "Will you just stop asking me so many questions? I've told you I am going out for a movie with friends. Give me a break! Do you even want to know the registration number of the car I'll be travelling in?", "Why can't I ask my friends to come over and spend the day here while you are out on a day trip with your friends? I am telling you its perfectly safe. Stop getting so paranoid!"... Endless bickerings and constant shoving from me led to my parents backing off a bit and giving me some breathing space, just like I wanted.

I started getting fair amount of freedom, though conditional. Ma and Papa started making bargains; "We'll let you go for the movie if you let us drop you to the theater and pick you up after the movie. And also let us meet your friends and say hi. We just want to see who are the people you are hanging out with. It'll give us an excuse to have a date too." It sounded perfectly harmless so I let them have their way. Our arrangements were always fair and square. Life was very smooth until I started working. I needed more freedom than they were ready to give. Some more pushing and shoving was required. I would propose a plan and they would dispose it without even mulling over it. I incessantly cribbed and fought; sometimes to no avail and at other times getting what I wanted, but after being made to feel horribly guilty about it. Life was such a struggle at home. Then the situation deteriorated further. My mum started the sobbing and sniveling when she heard of my 2 month long travel plan. Work required me to go out of town which was totally unacceptable to my parents. I emotionally blackmailed my dad and had him on my side in no time. I realised after 22 yrs of my life that all I had to do was be helpless and weepy to have him comply with my whims and fancies! What a dud I was. Anyway, dad talked to mom, mom cried a bit more and accused him of being too liberal and not thinking clearly. After much hue and cry I was bid adieu. Complete freedom atlast! I could breathe... haha...fantastic! There was no stopping me after that. I travelled frequently. My organisation was growing leaps and bounds and needed trainers to be on the move all the time. Business and clients in Delhi were dwindling and there were more and better organizations demanding their services. World class trainers...multi skilled...such pool of talent was bound to get noticed. I was a tenured and experienced resource of my company. It could bank on me conducting trainings for some quite finicky clients too. I stretched my wings and went out far east. Corporate trainings as well were becoming my forte... Ma and papa were very proud of me. They were also more relaxed and less bothersome after that. I guess when you take flight and your parents are finally convinced that you are not about to crash and vanish in fumes, they lessen the pressure. Or maybe they just had my little brother, who had suddenly shot upto 6'1", to worry about.

Mr.me and I have been thinking about making babies someday... its not happening anytime soon though. I am sure I'll follow my parents in their footsteps. I can forsee myself being even more protective of our kids than my parents were of me. Especially after reading the gory details of the friendly neigbour who molested and mutilated the bodies of 30 innocent kids in cold blood. He even had the gall to bury them in his backyard.

I fear... to bring a life into this crazy and inhumane world. I fear...sending my kid to school and worrying myself sick until his/ her return. I fear...getting an mms with my kid doing the unthinkable. I fear...not being able to bring up my kid with moral values. I fear...losing my kid to the damn world which will fill his/ her head with nonsensical ideas...

I need to gather my nerve before I prove my mettle to my parents by bringing a baby in this big bad world...