"I do"

Weddings!
I find them so intriguing. I also consider myself quite capable of commenting on them. I am rather experienced in that department. It's not because I have been married more than once (God forbid!). No Sir. I have just attended over a hundred weddings till date. Half of them I chose to attend, the other half I was forced to. Lets not get into who forced me and why. Lets just stick to my observations and derivations of such ludicrous events.

In a typical Indian wedding you will broadly notice the following things: the venue swarming with over bearing elderly women dressed in heavy silks and laden with jewellery, men folk busy discussing politics or the job opportunities in the market, pretty young things dressed in bright colored Georgette's and chiffon's, the young men shifting on their feet looking uncomfortable in the suits they have been forced to wear, the screaming children running free and unattended, tables and china overflowing with oily food.

When you start observing more closely you will realize that the over excited and hyper womenfolk are freely dispensing their unwanted advice. These women are usually the elderly relatives of the bride/ groom's parents who are of the belief that without their expert opinion the wedding would not fall through and the couple would not be able to get together in holy matrimony. And even if they manage to get married barring a few old customs, they would have severe problems in their relationship post marriage. I don't know how far its true, but I sure have seen the new age, open minded bride/ groom trying really hard to get out of some over hyped customs, however with little success. These over bearing maternal and paternal aunts have furrowed brows and clenched teeth. They are most often than not trying to gain one up over the other aunts present at the scene. Do you notice the frequent use of the word 'over'? That's intentional. It's to indicate the excessive body weight as well as the weight of their arguments and aggressive behaviour. They would beat any man hands down in 'forcefulness' at times like these, where their seniority and their say in the matters is at stake. The Men, unlike the women, take a back seat and seem totally disinterested in the wedding preparations and proceedings. All that you would see them do is; pretending to be deep in intelligent conversation, drinking like fish and eating like hogs. They carry an air of boredom as they ferry their pot bellies across the lawns. They look like they wish they were somewhere else, in all probability work or watching the latest football or cricket match on TV (depending on the season of course!). They congratulate the parents of the bride/ groom in a grave tone, which sounds more consoling than congratulatory. I suspect that at a deeper level they empathize with the father-in-law-to-be for bearing the heavy expenses of the wedding. But still, it does not deter them from consuming the expensive and coveted alcohol!

The pretty young things on the other hand (especially the ones who are scarcely clad and showing off their nubile bodies in see through dresses) seem elated about just being there. They would laugh at the slightest provocation and that too with a trill~ a laughter that excites mind you. Its practiced dear! You don't have to be a psychologist to know why they do it in that peculiar fashion. When they throw their head back, the hair tease their pretty cheeks and get in their big eyes ( made up with thick mascara and eyeshadow). They gently tuck the straying misbehaving strand of hair behind their small ears with tinker bell earrings. You will catch them eyeing the young men, the eligible bachelors and also the fit looking married men, even though they are strictly off limits. But then do they care? It's a number game my love. They score every time a man passes them by and flits an appreciative glance over them from head to toe. Imagine the Axe Click Deo Spray ad reversed. Although, the women don't smirk like Ben Afleck in that ad, they burst into spurts of giggles. They get together in a group, cracking girlie jokes amongst themselves and catching the men's attention with little effort. Like a close friend remarked a few days ago in exasperation; " Women play games...cat and mouse games" and I inquired, "when have you seen them play these games?", spat came the reply, "sweets, the question should have been what games? and not when do they play such games. It stands to reason that you have been one of them once, even if you don't fall into that category anymore." We exchanged a knowing smile. I couldn't disagree. Do you get the drift? ;) The poor young men in pretty pants don't stand a chance around these nymphomaniacs. Even though they would act nonchalant and totally disinterested, still their coy glances give them away. They are driven to heights of excitement and they end up fantasising and hyper ventilating. God save their souls. Some fall into the web so thick that looks lead to conversations lead to relationships which eventually blossom and lead these men and women into the vicious circle of tying the knot. And so the story goes dida di....

We, the people, the attendees of these do's stand and marvel at the smooth way the cycle of life long commitments draw some people so close for eternity and pull some apart forever.